Why Should I Quit?

Dear Jeff and Debra,
I feel like people are ganging up on me–even my family and friends. Everybody tells me I need to go to treatment. They tell me I’m out of control. But I still have a good job, and my kids still love me (even though they live with my ex). I’m not lying in the gutter. The truth is, vodka is my best friend. It’s not judgy, it’s reliable, and it’s legal. I just wish everybody would get off my back.  —-Just Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,

Aren’t you lucky? You’ve lost your marriage and custody of your kids. Your friends and family are turning up the heat. But, as luck would have it, your best pal can be found at the corner store.

We suspect “disgusted” means more than just disgusted with the people around you. We think, when you look in the mirror in the morning, disgusted is what you feel.

Think back a few years. Could you ever imagine yourself in this situation? Didn’t you look down on people who drank their way out of a good marriage? Didn’t you have choice words for people who lost custody of their kids? You didn’t plan it this way, did you? No one does.

No one volunteers to be an alcoholic. No one puts addiction on their bucket list. It’s not something a person can anticipate or avoid. It happens before our eyes, but we don’t see it. Alcoholism robs us of our most precious gifts, but we don’t realize it.

You’re in good company. Millions around the world have been in your shoes, from the penthouse to the outhouse. The AA people say this disease is “cunning, baffling, and powerful,” and they’re right. We want to believe we’re in control, even as our world is falling apart.

You mentioned your friends giving you grief. Are they all non-drinkers? Of course not. We would bet they all drank with you at one time or another. But each one of them can probably tell you why your drinking has become a nightmare, with specific examples. When your drinking buddies say you have a problem, it’s shocking, isn’t it? What’s the world coming to?

One thing you said wasn’t quite right: that alcohol is reliable. True, you can count on the vodka early on, but as years pass, you need to drink more and more to get the same effect. You build up a tolerance, one of the early signs of a drinking problem. If you don’t cut back then, you’re on a slippery slope. We suspect your tolerance increased again and again over the years. Today, alcohol probably isn’t all that reliable. We suspect you’re probably having to use other things, too.

But you are lucky. You’ve still got friends and family who care (even if they’re annoying you). You still have a job, and you still have enough heart to value the love of your kids. Now all you have to do is quit pretending. If you can quit pretending, you can probably quit drinking.

Why? Because the first step in recovery is accepting the truth. After you accept that you’re an alcoholic, then you can probably accept the fact that you need help. After that, you quit trying to run the show and let someone guide you. Just follow the directions you get from people who have been there—and back.

You’re lucky because your life is a mess and people still love you. Lucky you! Accept the help they’re offering. What do you have to lose? In our experience, if you put as much effort into recovery as you have into drinking, you’ll make it with room to spare. Every day, morning, noon, and night, there are people attending meetings and finding relief from their alcoholism. The talk, they laugh, and they find their way into a new destiny. You’ll do the same, if you give yourself a chance. Just take the first step. You’ll find a chair in the meeting with your name on it: Lucky.