Studying the Problem

Dear Jeff and Debra:

I know I have a drinking problem, that’s not the issue. I drink way too much, even when I’m trying to drink moderately. I’m causing a lot of misery for my family, too, not to mention myself. So, I know I have a problem.

I downloaded a copy of AA’s “Big Book,” Alcoholics Anonymous, and started reading it. The book isn’t helping me at all. I’m normally a good student, but I just keep drinking (or doing other things). I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do.

                                                                                             -New Student of Sobriety

Dear Student:

We congratulate you on your efforts, but you’re on a well-known path to failure. Many people have tried reading, praying, and otherwise studying the various methods for staying sober. It’s like trying to learn how to swim by reading about it, but never getting in a pool. Good luck!

Overcoming addiction is not an intellectual exercise. It’s not something to be learned, like mathematics or history. That’s why people in AA talk about “working a program of recovery” or “practicing the program,” just like a doctor practices medicine.

Recovery is an ongoing process that only gets richer and more fulfilling with time. In fact, there’s a secret hidden in the program. It’s not about quitting drinking. AA teaches people how to have a better life in sobriety than they ever did with alcohol. Anyone can quit drinking (and most alcoholics have quit many times). The trick is to quit drinking and be happy. Sounds impossible, right?

The reason people keep going to AA after they’ve been sober a long time is they enjoy the meetings and continue to benefit from them. It’s not so much what they get out of it as what they put into it.

Reading AA literature isn’t enough, because you need the human element. To return to the swimming analogy, the best way to learn a new skill is to have an instructor or an experienced friend to show you the way. Would you try to fly a plane without getting good instruction? You probably wouldn’t even get off the ground.

Just going to a few AA meetings isn’t enough, either. Many people go to a meeting to check it out, and never return. They are going to the meeting to evaluate it, instead of participating in it. They are walking around the pool without getting their feet wet.

When you start going to meetings and really participate, you are demonstrating a quality that brings success in many areas of life: willingness. To participate means to listen carefully to what is being shared, to see if any particle of it might apply to you. It means sharing honestly about your own situation. Most importantly, it means being willing to accept help.

At every meeting, people who are willing to sponsor a newcomer will identify themselves. A sponsor is an invaluable person—like a swim coach who’ll show you the ropes for free. A sponsor will share their experience and strength with you. They will take you through the 12 Steps. They will give you hope and confidence. They will add that indefinable element that can’t be found in a book.

Take your time, work with your sponsor, and keep going to meetings. Follow the example of people who have been successful. They’ll be glad to help you along, in the same way other people helped them.

Soon, you’ll be getting results. You’ll attend a wedding reception without a slip, you’ll sleep well at night without chemicals, and your penchant for self-destruction will subside. Life will take on a new and better form, and so will you. Being fully awake, your natural talents will shine, and you’ll become a better version of yourself.

Before long, another lost soul will come to the meeting, looking uncomfortable. If you’re practicing your program, you’ll walk up to them, welcome them to the meeting, and make them feel at home. That small kindness will mean everything to them. And in some small way, you’ll realize you’re getting better. Real recovery will draw you into the stream of goodness in the world.